“I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head
'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it, you're worth it
I guess I'm wishing my life away
These things I'll never say.” "Things I'll never say." -Avril Lavigne
Am I still?
Thought it would have worn off at least a little by now.
But I really just can’t help it, I’m just so happy!
Like the first time I took a ship up on my own.
I think he liked the dress.
Just wearing it around him made me feel so pretty,
Special and shiny all over.
I love him so much,
Yet it’s still so hard to say somehow.
I want to just jump up and down and say it a million times.
I want to run around calling it out to the 'verse, so that everyone knows.
I feel like a bubble that might just go pop and let it all out.
He still doesn’t understand why I do.
Maybe someday I’ll tell him.
Don’t think he’ll understand anyway though.
It’s hard to explain in words.
You want to know?
There are so many things,
Why does the sun chase the moon?
No, that’s the reason.
It’s the way his heart beats.
I said it was hard to explain.
It wasn’t perfect
Almost got into some trouble
but Doy showed up and saved the day!
I should learn to pay more attention,
So stupid of me to get distracted.
Don't know why he puts up with me sometimes.
I need to be better, just for him.
And he laughed.
And for a little while I almost forgot he’d changed at all.
I know he’ll never be the same.
It was still good to see him more like himself.
I wonder what he wished for.
He knows something is wrong,
I think that’s a good sign.
So much he’s forgotten.
so much they took from him.
I’m never leaving him alone again
Never letting anyone hurt him again.
I promised him I’d make it right
Bit by bit,
memory by memory,
It’s almost like waking parts of him up he forgot were there.
Like coloring in a coloring book.
Splashing life into the images.
I want him to know how I feel when he's near.
To just shake him till he understands how he makes my heart race.
To just run around him in circles till he falls over dizzy, the way he makes my head feel.
To cover his ears till he knows how still he makes my soul.
To dump a bucket of water on him, so he knows how he washes over me making everything different just by being near by.
Never thought I could get the message across to him.
I think maybe he got it this time.
and I know how he feels now too.
I will make things right for him,
I don’t know how, but I’ll figure it out or die trying.